Yep. Making an honest living still has its claws in me. But only for 2.5 weeks. Then I go to making like half an honest living. Here’s hoping that working a mere 25 hours per week instead of 50 will allow me to be my cheery self.
So, I stand around, I think way too much about way too many projects. I invent every conceivable way to make said projects happen. I troubleshoot potential problems. I think through every permutation, always trying to find a new way to bring something cool to the project. Then I come home and sleep. And repeat. It’s not nearly as productive, this thinking about things rather than doing them.
Just to give myself a break, I start thinking about really strange things, like how to build an amp into a guitar case, so I wouldn’t have to carry both or how to build a guitar with a guitar neck, a twelve string guitar neck and a bass guitar neck all on one guitar body… and how to wire it so I can just flick a switch and jump from instrument to instrument. Which is crazy since I can only play one at a time and I have no reason to think I’d need to switch from one to another at the drop of the hat. But I figured out how to make it happen.
But really, mostly my mind is lost in twirling circles of crazy nonsense. I fear that growing up and settling down is not something I should do. I would, quite simply, lose my mind. The stories in my head are far more interesting than the dramas taking place, or rather not taking place, before my eyes. I’m not saying that escapism is good, but I’m also not saying it’s bad. For me, it’s a functional state.
I have 2.5 weeks to daydream before I can regain my equilibrium and get back to work. These days, I keep thinking that it might be time to go back to the ink. I know, I know, you’ve heard that before. Or you’ve heard me go on and on about: painting, photography, etc. All of which is completely true. But looking at everything I’ve done in the last five years, the simple truth is that the only two things which have allowed me to complete complex projects are ink and words. And just writing feels like I’m doing things with one arm tied behind my back, mostly because people like pretty pictures. I can do pretty pictures. I guess we’ll have to wait and see what happens.
The bright side is that something will definitely happen. I have far too many ideas. I have far too much material. I just need the time. And then I can go back to being a Corsair pilot again.